


Reconcilable Differences

by NachoDiablo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Background NatSharon, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hard of Hearing Steve Rogers, Immigration status issues (pre-story), M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Offscreen injury & hospitalization (pre-story), Pining, Pining Bucky Barnes, Platonic Bed Sharing, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, cat rescue, mild anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NachoDiablo/pseuds/NachoDiablo
Summary: After a whirlwind romance, Steve and Bucky have been happily married for the past year. At least, that’s what everyone thinks. No one suspects they tied the knot for more practical reasons, not even their closest friends. But now that those practical reasons are sorted, there’s no reason for them to stay married… right?AKA, "What To Do When Your Zany Fake-Relationship Scheme Actually Works."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spaceshipdear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceshipdear/gifts).



> Written for the [Stucky AU Bang](https://stuckyaubang.tumblr.com/), thanks to the mods for running such an awesome event!
> 
> The gorgeous art in chapters 1 and 3 was created by the lovely [founderofshield](http://founderofshield.tumblr.com/), thank you for being so awesome to collab with!
> 
> Shout out to [ohstars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstars) for the beta, thank you!

**_January_ **

 

“It’s official,” Bucky announces as he walks into the kitchen loaded down with Thai food and lager. “I’m a confirmed U.S. citizen as of today.”

“Watch it, Buck!” Steve jumps back from the counter he’d been leaning on and deftly moves the various containers balanced in Buck’s arms to the table. “If you drop the satay, I’m never speaking to you again.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “That’s what you said when I dropped the biryani last week, and yet here you are, yapping away at me like always.”

Steve opens his mouth to reply, but he abruptly snaps it shut and raises his eyebrows. “Wait a minute,” he says, “did you say you’re a citizen? For real?”

Bucky nods. “Yeah,” he says with a shy grin, “got the last of the paperwork today.”

Steve whoops and bundles Bucky into a tight embrace. “‘Bout time,” he murmurs into Bucky’s hair. “You went through enough to get it.”

“Yeah well,” Bucky grumbles. “It’s done now.” He tries not to enjoy the warmth of Steve’s arms too much as he returns the hug.

Steve’s already got dishes and silverware set out on the table, so in a matter of minutes they’ve stacked their plates high with pad see ew, rice and curry, and satay. Steve chews thoughtfully as Bucky steals a hunk of fried tofu off his plate.

“You know,” Steve says between bites, “we’ve gotta do something special. Celebrate being done with all the bureaucratic bullshit they made you deal with.”

“I dunno if the endless paperwork and questioning was the worst part,” Bucky teases. “I had to spend a year listening to you snore, too.”

“Oh…” Steve blushes and pokes at his satay. “I guess… I guess we can… we don’t have to be… you know.” He absentmindedly twists the silver band that adorns his left ring finger.

Bucky’s stomach sinks as he looks down at his own ring. The ring that matches Steve’s. The ring he’s worn every day for the past year. “Right,” he says softly. “I guess we can get the… get that taken care of.”

Bucky’s still not entirely sure how it happened. There had been an explosion, he remembers. And pain, lots of pain, and Steve arguing with anyone and everyone about how ‘you can’t deny medical care to a war hero,’ and an airlift back to the States with Steve holding his uninjured hand the whole time.

And by the time his meds were lowered enough for him to be coherent, Steve was by his side in the hospital with bags under his eyes and those rings in his hand. “I know it sounds ridiculous,” he had whispered frantically to Bucky, “but I told them we were engaged. I dunno if they bought it completely, but it got you back home. The chaplain’s on his way here now to make it official, so you can keep getting your treatments without people hassling you.”

Bucky had been too confused and tired to protest, especially with Steve looking like death warmed over. And truth be told, he’d had a bit of a crush on Steve ever since they first met at the beginning of their tour. The thought of spending more time with him wasn’t exactly unappealing. So he’d smiled weakly for the chaplain, signed his name on the marriage license, then fallen back into the sweet release of sleep.

Later, Steve had explained that Bucky’s parents hadn’t filed all of his immigration paperwork properly when he was a kid, and someone had kicked up a fuss. Lucky for him, Steve had kicked up an even bigger fuss.

“We can end it later,” Steve had said, “once you’re all healed up and your paperwork is sorted out. But don’t worry about that right now. We’ll make it work.”

And for the last year, they had.

They’d both been honorably discharged. Bucky’s left arm had been mangled and scarred, and despite the bevvy of pins and plates that they’d patched him up with, his mobility had suffered significantly. Steve had partial hearing loss in both of his ears, though he’d been fitted with fancy new hearing aids that allowed him to function more or less as he used to.

They’d moved into an apartment, picked out curtains, and argued over what color to paint the bathroom. Bucky had been welcomed by Steve’s friends, and made a few of his own. They nagged each other into attending group sessions at the VA. These days, they take turns cooking dinner, and spend their Friday nights curled up on the couch watching bad movies.

They even share a bed every night. Steve has always been adamant that they remain above suspicion, which includes being comfortable with physical affection in front of other people. Bucky hasn’t minded in the least that the hugs, cuddles, and forehead kisses they used to practice for public consumption have quickly become the norm, even when it’s just the two of them.

Not even their closest friend have been told the truth. As far as anyone knows, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had a whirlwind, clandestine romance while they were deployed, and a quickie, seize-the-day marriage after death nearly separated them.

Some nights, when he drifts off to sleep with Steve’s arm wrapped around his waist and his snores brushing against his neck, Bucky almost believes it himself.

Today, however, he’s reminded that it’s not real, and never has been. Which is why the fact that he’s unable to get the ‘divorce’ word past his lips even more pathetic.

Some of his distress must show on his face, because Steve smiles and reaches over to pat his hand. “There’s no rush,” he says. “I mean… If you want to end it right now, I’m not going to stop you, but…”

“No,” Bucky says hurriedly. “No rush.” He smiles shakily. “‘Sides, it might look suspicious if we separate so soon after I got my papers in order.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees. He looks cheerful as he shovels more curry into his mouth. “We don’t want that. Let’s wait a few months.”

Bucky nods in agreement. “Sounds good,” he says. “We still gonna watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy tonight?”

“Obviously,” Steve says. “I’ve been looking forward to it all week. I bought elf ears on Amazon.”

Bucky narrows his eyes. “I’m not wearing elf ears.”

Steve grins cheekily. “Yeah, you are.”

Bucky sighs. Yeah, he is.

Because his harmless little crush on his fake husband has somehow grown into something much more terrifying.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_March_ **

 

Bucky slows down as he approaches their apartment building. He’s in no hurry to get home. He took the long route back from the gym and stopped by the bodega on the corner for a pack of gum. He detours down the alley to the dumpster to dispose of his gum wrapper and buy a few more minutes.

Today is Bucky’s birthday. Steve wouldn’t leave Bucky on his birthday. Bucky knows this, and yet Steve’s comment earlier this morning about having a ‘surprise’ for Bucky plays over and over in his head.

Bucky knows that Steve has to have been hinting at a happy surprise. A separation is not a happy surprise. But what if Steve thinks that sort of surprise  _ would _ be happy for Bucky? He doesn’t know how Bucky really feels about him. Hell, Bucky’s just now coming to terms with it himself.

As he tosses his gum wrapper into the dumpster, a pile of mud shifts by his feet. Bucky jumps back in alarm, but the mud pile doesn’t move any closer. He stares, dumbfounded, as the mud pile blinks up at him with two golden eyes. 

“Meow,” the mud pile says balefully.

Bucky leans forward. The mud pile is, in actuality, a large, filthy cat whose glare seems fairly defiant for someone living under a dumpster. Bucky isn’t sure what to do. He’s not a big fan of cats, or any animals, for that matter. And the cat doesn’t seem to be in any rush to leap into Bucky’s arms. Maybe he should just leave the cat alone. He can go up to the apartment and scrounge up some tuna and water, bring it back down to make sure the little guy isn’t starving.

And Bucky would do exactly that, except that it starts to rain. Bucky grimaces as his hair dampens and sticks to the back of his neck. He glances back down at the cat, who shivers pitifully as drops roll down the dumpster and land on his head.

Slowly, Bucky moves closer and crouches down. His left knee rests in a puddle of dirty water that soaks through to his skin. He unzips his jacket and holds the right side open as he scoots closer to the dumpster, doing his best to hold his breath and avoid the stench.

The cat hesitates for a moment before he leaps up onto Bucky’s right thigh. Bucky grits his teeth as a tiny pair of claws dig into his chest. He straightens up and awkwardly zips his jacket closed with his left hand. His right arm supports the cat through the jacket. It’s a small miracle that Bucky manages to get into the apartment building with only the jerky movements of his left hand working to tap in the lobby security code and elevator buttons.

When he gets to their apartment door, he can’t make his left hand wrap around the handle, so he bangs his loose fist against the door a few times. Steve opens the door with a worried look on his face. “Buck? You okay? You’re soaked, come inside before you...” He trails off as Bucky’s jacket moves. 

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Um, what the…” He gestures towards Bucky’s zipper. Bucky nods and moves closer so Steve can unzip his jacket low enough for the cat to pop his head out.

A goofy grin spreads across Steve’s face. “You found a kitty? He’s so cute!”

He isn’t. There’s a nick on one ear, he smells like rotting garbage, his fur is matted, and his face is squashed. The yowl of protest he lets out when Steve moves to pet him assures Bucky that the cat agrees with his harsh but fair assessment.

Steve draws back his hand immediately. “Sorry buddy, didn’t mean to scare you.” He ushers Bucky into the apartment and herds him towards the bathroom. He shuts the door firmly behind them. “Okay, let him out. He can’t track dirt all through the apartment now.”

Bucky gently sets the cat down on the floor. The cat immediately stalks over to the shower curtain and starts scratching at it. Steve chuckles softly. Bucky can almost see the little hearts forming in his eyes. 

Steve always was fond of pains in his ass. Bucky’s a prime example of that. 

Bucky frowns. “So... I guess we need to give him a bath? I’ll get the shower head and--”

“You can’t hose down a cat like he’s on lockdown!” Steve says in a scandalized tone. “They don’t like water! He’ll be scared!”

Bucky rolls his eyes. If anyone should be scared, it should be them. The cat looks ready to shank either of them without warning. “Well, how are we gonna clean him off then? He stinks.”

“So do you, and I’m not blasting water in  _ your _ face,” Steve retorts.

“I showered at the gym, you punk,” Bucky mutters. He whips out his phone and Googles ‘how to bathe an angry cat.’

“Okay,” he says after a few minutes of scrolling, “we’ve got to fill the tub with a few inches of water, then use a washcloth to wet him down, then shampoo him. If we can get him to stand still long enough.”

“No problem!” Steve says brightly. He slips out of the bathroom while Bucky fills the tub. The cat hops onto the sink and eyes Bucky warily as he tests the temperature to make sure it’s not too hot.

Steve returns with an open can of tuna. “Here you go, buddy!” He fills a fork with tuna and holds it over the water with a winning smile.

The cat meows irritably, but he makes his way over to the edge of the tub. Bucky deftly swoops him up and drops him gently into the inch of water before he has time to rebel. His back arches for a moment, but he quickly seems to decide that the tuna is worth the discomfort and settles in to eat. 

Bucky carefully washes the grime from his coat as Steve feeds him bits of tuna. After a few washings, it’s evident that his coat is a dull brown color not unlike the mud he was caked in. He’s thin and he’s got a few scratches, but nothing particularly concerning.

“He’s such a good boy,” Steve coos. “Or a good girl… no, he’s definitely a he.”

“How can you tell?” Bucky asks.

Steve shrugs. “I just get that vibe.”

Bucky snickers. “Very scientific.”

“We’ll take him to the vet tomorrow, “ Steve says. “Make sure he’s healthy. Get him his shots or whatever else cats need.” He smiles indulgently at the cat as he scoops up more tuna. “Isn’t that right, Coconut?”

“Coconut?” Bucky asks. “You wanna call him Coconut? Is’t that more of a name for like… a fluffy white cat?”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “Coconuts are brown, Buck. Obviously.”

Bucky’s not sure why, but this is the exact moment when he realized that yeah, he is definitely in love with Steve Rogers. Shit.

Once Coconut is dry, they open the bathroom door and let him prowl around the apartment. Steve immediately opens up his laptop and starts making a list of expensive cat care accessories. “Okay, so we’ll need a litter box, of course… looks like for tonight we can use a box with shredded newspaper. And we’ll need food, and toys, and vitamins.”

Coconut leaps onto the couch and starts scratching one of the back cushions vigorously. Steve laughs with delight and takes a picture with his phone, as though the damn cat’s doing some kind of adorable trick.

“I guess we need a scratching post,” he says merrily. “And look, Buck, they make strategy games for cats! He’s a smart one, we’ve gotta keep him entertained. I’ve started adding some stuff to our Amazon cart, but maybe I should run down to Pet Valu tonight for the basics.”

Bucky smiles weakly as he watches Steve type furiously. Steve’s always been the organized one, the strong one, the one who takes charge of situations and works out the logistics. That’s why he’s started his History degree on his GI bill while Bucky is still trying to make it through each day without letting his anxiety drag him back into bed.

Bucky is grateful for everything Steve’s done for him. And he knows that if he confessed his feelings, Steve would make an effort to stick around and make Bucky happy. He might even trick himself into thinking it’s what he wanted the whole time. They’ve been partners for so long, it would be easy for Steve to look back and convince himself that it meant something more to him.

But there would be no way of knowing whether or not it was real. And that’s not fair to either of them. Steve, at least, deserves a shot at something better.

Bucky pushes aside those thoughts for now, He can wallow in self pity later, but today is his birthday, and he’d like to have a nice evening if possible.

“So,” he says casually, “are you gonna tell me what my surprise is, or are you gonna keep me in suspense?”

“Well, it’s not as fun as the surprise  _ you _ brought home,” Steve laughs. “I made homemade pierogies for dinner. Got the dough nice and thin, almost as good as the ones at that Polish deli you love. They’re in the fridge, I’ll fry ‘em up when you’re hungry.”

“Pierogies are my favorite!” Bucky says happily. “Now all you’ve gotta do is master babka, and I’ll be set.”

“I bought the babka,” Steve says. “I know my limits. Didn’t want to poison you on your birthday.”

“Yeah, you can poison me some other day,” Bucky agrees. “Maybe on taco night.”

Steve lets out a snort of laughter. Coconut jumps off the couch and crawls underneath it, positioning himself so that he can glare at them menacingly from the depths of his cave.

“You know,” Steve says slowly. “We haven’t really talked about the, um… the separation details.”

“Oh,” Bucky says. He hates how small his voice sounds. “You… you wanna talk about that now?”

“No,” Steve says quickly. “Not tonight. It’s just that… well, we still need to tell our friends, and now we’ve got Coconut to consider. I was just gonna suggest that maybe we hold off a while longer? Until things settle down. If that’s alright with you.”

Steve’s cheeks are a faint shade of pink that makes Bucky’s stomach flutter. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Let’s wait a few more months. Sounds good to me.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_May_ **

 

Nat takes a long, slow sip of her toasted almond latte. “I’m sorry,” she says calmly. “I think  _ I _ might be the one with hearing issues. I could have sworn you just said that you and Bucky are splitting up.”

Steve tries to glare at her, but he knows the blush blooming on his cheeks is ruining the effect. “You heard right,” he says stiffly. “We’re getting a… we’re separating.”

Steve’s not sure why he still can’t bring himself to say the d-word. Maybe because it sounds so  _ final. _ He and Bucky might be ending their marriage, but that doesn’t mean every part of their relationship has to end as well.

Sam shakes his head and adds another sugar to his tea. “No offense, Rogers, but you’re out of your mind if you think this is a good idea.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Steve says. He takes a sip of his espresso and bites back a curse when it burns his tongue. He and Bucky should have done a better job thinking this through. Of  _ course _ his nosy friends wouldn’t let him off the hook easily. Especially not when Sam is a therapist and Nat has been in a committed relationship since grade school. They’re too well honed at spotting relationship bullshit to let Steve get away with it.

“I mean, this is coming out of nowhere,” Sam argues. “You two have been attached at the hip for the past year and a half. Always smiling, being all cute and disgusting and shit. You just adopted a cat together, for fuck’s sake.”  

Steve shrugs in an attempt to appear nonchalant. “It’s a cat, not a kid. It’s… things are just, um, not working out, and…”

“What, the cat’s too much responsibility?” Sam raises an eyebrow. “Because I can take the cat off your hands if it’s causing that much stress in your marriage.”

“You leave Coconut out of this!” Steve snaps. “It’s not his fault! We love him, and he needs us, and...” He falters as Nat and Sam exchange knowing glances. Damn that cat for being adorable and weakening his stance.

Natasha snickers into her latte. “Yeah, you totally sound like a man ready for a divorce.”

“Also don’t pretend like that cat’s not a menace,” Sam says. “He snuck up behind me and jumped on my head the last time I was over.”

Steve winces and avoids their piercing stares. “Look, I don’t want to get into the details,” he says. “It’s just… we decided… We’re better off as friends,” he finishes lamely.

“Bullshit,” Sam says. “I have known you since you were thirty two pounds of sass in the first grade. I have watched you go starry eyed over crush after crush, and held your hand through multiple break-ups. I have  _ never _ seen you sprung over  _ anyone _ the way you are with Bucky. Friendly, romantic, or otherwise.”

Steve wrinkles his nose in confusion. “I am not  _ sprung _ over Bucky.” He tries to ignore the way his stomach knots whenever Bucky’s name is mentioned. It’s just nerves, he reminds himself. It’s a big change, but Bucky doesn’t need him anymore, and it’s unfair for Steve to cling to him for vague, selfish reasons that he does not wish to delve into at this moment.

“Are you kidding me?” Sam asks incredulously. “I mean, besides the fact that you  _ married _ him, you two are inseparable. You have more inside jokes with him than you do with Nat and me. You’re always cuddling each other. Whenever you hang out without him, you’re sending him dumb texts and dork-ass selfies. You are completely gone for that man, Steven Grant Rogers, so forgive me for being confused when you sit here and try to act like you’re cool with him leaving you.”

“He’s not  _ leaving _ me,” Steve says. He sighs heavily. “Look, I… we decided, mutually…” 

Nat clears her throat loudly. Sam looks at him with pity in his eyes.

“Fine,” Steve mutters. “If you’re going to get stuck on your delusions of me not being okay with this, even though I  _ am, _ please accept the fact that Bucky thinks we’d be better off as friends. And he’s right,” Steve adds, too slowly to stop Sam’s face from screwing up further into condescending sympathy.

Nat presses her lips together. “Steve,” she says gently. “I’ll be honest with you. I was skeptical when you came back from overseas with a new husband that we’d never met, or even heard much about. I did some digging and… I found a few red flags.”

Steve’s chest tightens. He focuses on keeping his face blank as he picks at the edge of his napkin. They’ve come too far to blow their cover now.

He’d been terrified when Bucky had been injured a year into their tour. They hadn’t known each other prior to heading overseas, but they’d become close friends the minute Bucky had heckled Steve over his LA Dodgers baseball cap on their first day together. Spending the next year in close quarters had solidified their friendship. Sam’s accurate in his assessment that Steve has never felt compatible with anyone the way he does with Bucky. 

When he’d been told by the medic that Bucky’s transfer to a hospital in the States was being delayed due to his debated citizenship status, Steve had been too frightened and disoriented to come up with a better idea to get the paperwork contentions waived. 

It had worked out in the end. Bucky hadn’t lost his arm, or worse, his life. They’d both gotten the best medical treatment, settled into their new civilian lives, more or less. And no one, not even Steve’s closest friends, had ever suspected a thing.

Steve’s not going to crack this late in the game. He won’t let Bucky down.

Natasha drains the dregs of her latte. “I had concerns,” she says, “but then I saw you two together, and I realized I was wrong for doubting Bucky’s intentions. He might have been slow to warm up to Sam and me, but he’s been devoted to you since we first met him.”

Steve blushes. “I don’t think…”

“I don’t think, either,” Nat says firmly. “I  _ know. _ Bucky didn’t take his eyes off you the whole time he was in the hospital. He was beside himself last spring when you got pneumonia. He makes sure you eat and sleep during your exam freakouts. He’s always blushing and smiling when you wrap your arm around him. Trust me, unless something drastic has happened since we hung out at Sam’s apartment last week, Bucky Barnes is as much in love with you now as he ever was.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say. He knows Bucky isn’t in love with him. They’ve been each other’s constant companions for the past year and a half, of  _ course _ Bucky cares about him. Steve cares about Bucky, too, a hell of a lot. 

But that doesn’t mean it’s romantic. Plenty of good friends share checking accounts and bedrooms and forehead kisses, Steve’s sure of it.

“Listen, Steve,” Sam says. “If you and Bucky don’t think your relationship is working, then I’ll support you. I don’t want either of you to be unhappy. But promise me that you won’t rush into anything.”

Nat nods in agreement. “Relationships hit rough patches,” she says sagely. “Sharon and I can certainly attest to that. I don’t think she’s ever fully forgiven me for the seventh grade science fair incident. But the worst thing you can do is make a rash decision during a moment of uncertainty.”

Steve sighs heavily under the weight of their stares. “Alright,” he capitulates, “I promise not to make any rash decisions.”

The cheerful smiles that spread across Nat and Sam’s faces make Steve flush with guilt.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_June_ **

 

“You are lying.” Okoye narrows her eyes in suspicion as she fastens her weight lifting gloves.

“I’m not,” Bucky says softly. He rolls out his yoga mat for push-ups and rolls his shoulders. “It’s true. Steve and I are separating.”

T’Challa stares intently at Bucky, but says nothing. He turns back to the white board and adds three more exercises to the WOD, with notes on how Bucky can modify them for his arm.

“Why are you making such a foolish decision?” Okoye asks.

Bucky clears his throat. “It was a  _ mutual _ decision. We realized that while we still love each other, we aren’t  _ in love _ romantically. We don’t regret getting married, but it was definitely a rushed decision that we didn’t think through. We’ll always be friends, and there aren’t any hard feelings.”

Bucky smiles in self satisfaction. That sounded pretty good. He and Steve had worked out some key phrases to throw around after Steve nearly blew it with Nat and Sam last month. Bucky had teased Steve relentlessly for blushing and stammering his way through his recap of their conversation. 

His laughter had died, however, when Steve had shared Nat’s conviction that Bucky was still in love with Steve. He’d been surprised at how well they’d been able to hide the truth from sharp-eyed Nat, but clearly she saw more than she let on if she’d been able to pinpoint Bucky’s feelings before he’d even been able to fully admit them to himself.

Okoye presses her lips together. “What did he do?” Her voice is a hot poker that pierces through Bucky’s explanation. 

His smile falters. “Um… what do you mean?”

“I have known you and Steve for over a year,” she says, “and in that time there have been no signs that the two of you were anything other than completely smitten with each other. Something must have happened. Has he cheated on you? Is he becoming abusive, or cruel? Is he not caring for Coconut properly? Has he racked up gambling debts? Tell me what it is, and I will make sure he regrets it.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “No, no!” he protests. “Steve would  _ never! _ He’s a good man, you know that.”

“I do,” Okoye says sharply, “but I also know that good men can make bad decisions. If Steve is harming you or Coconut in some way, be it physically or emotionally--”

“He’s  _ not!” _ Bucky is nearly shouting. The mere suggestion of Steve being bad for Bucky  _ or _ Coconut distresses him. “Steve’s been nothing but kind to me, ever since I’ve known him, and he loves that damn cat. He’d never hurt me, and I…” He trails off awkwardly as Okoye’s glare softens.

“There is no need to get upset,” she says gently. “I merely needed assurance that you are safe.”

“I am,” Bucky says. “We both are. Nothing happened. This isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just… We aren’t… We don’t feel the same way about each other. Things have… changed.”

“Perhaps they have.” T’Challa caps his dry erase marker and sets it on the ledge. “Things change. But that does not mean you cannot change along with them.”

Bucky chews on his lower lip thoughtfully. He can’t say T’Challa is wrong. His feelings for Steve have certainly changed, from manageable crush to full-on adoration. 

But that doesn’t mean  _ Steve’s _ feelings have changed.

“I find it odd,” T’Challa continues, “that after Steve fought so hard for you, and stood by you through your recovery, you are now willing to let him walk away without a fight.”

Bucky’s shoulders slump. A small, cruel voice in the back of his brain has been whispering things to Bucky lately, when he thinks about confessing his feelings to Steve. Bucky lets that voice speak for him as he replies, “Steve’s done so much for me already, he’s not obligated to stick around any longer. And he’ll be fine, once we… split. He’ll find someone else. Someone who has their shit together. Someone whole.”

Okoye raises one eyebrow delicately. “I know you did  _ not _ just say that to me. You are smarter than that.”

Bucky’s scowl only makes Okoye grin smugly. T’Challa sighs, and rests a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“You do not seem as comfortable with this decision as you claim to be,” he says. “Perhaps it is not too late for you two to work things out.” He smiles and squeezes Bucky’s shoulder.

Bucky forces himself to return the smile. “You’re right,” he says. “Maybe we can work things out. I’m not saying we aren’t going to try, but… you know how Steve is. Stubborn as hell. If he’s dead set on ending things, well then… that’s it. Nothing to be done. And I won’t guilt him into sticking around when he doesn’t want to.”

T’Challa grins and punches Bucky’s shoulder lightly. “Do not lose hope,” he says. “Let us see how you feel after the workout, yes?” 

T’Challa chuckles as Bucky looks over at the WOD with a grimace. Every exercise listed is one of Bucky’s least favorites. Turkish get-ups with a bum arm are no fun at all. Okoye laughs as she rushes to steal Bucky’s favorite kettlebell before he can claim it for himself.

Bucky might be grateful for the distraction, but that doesn’t stop him from erasing ‘Pistol Squats’ from the WOD when T’Challa isn’t looking.


	2. Chapter 2

**_July_ **

 

“Nice hat, man.” Sam grins and flicks the tip of the pointed party hat that’s perched jauntily on Steve’s head.

“Thanks,” Steve laughs. “Coconut has a matching one, look.” He scrolls through his texts and thrusts his phone in Sam’s face. “Don’t we look cute together?”

Sam squints at the phone. “The cat’s not wearing a hat. And he’s sitting on the opposite end of the couch from you.”

“Coconut’s hat is on the coffee table,” Steve says as he points to the far corner of the photo. “He didn’t feel like wearing it. And he doesn’t really like to cuddle. He likes his space. Being on the couch at the same time as one of us is a huge deal. Bucky said it was a birthday miracle. Coconut hasn’t come out from under the bed since we took that pic this morning.”

“That  _ is  _ a birthday miracle. I’ll leave your place without scratch marks for a change.” Sam looks around and pulls Steve to the corner of the living room. “I heard you asked Sharon for lawyer recommendations.”

Steve scowls. “Well obviously we can’t use  _ her, _ ‘cuz she can’t keep her mouth shut.” He throws a glare at the blonde woman standing across the room with her arm around Nat’s shoulders. Nat spots him and responds with an over-enthusiastic smile and wave. Steve scowls harder.

Sam smacks him on the arm. “Man, don’t be like that. You know Nat was the one who tattled. I’m not here to get Sharon in trouble. I just didn’t realize you two were still going through with it, that’s all.”

“Of course we are,” Steve replies. “I’ve been doing the research. There’s a lot of paperwork, even for uncontested, um, separations.”

Over the last few weeks, Steve has started figuring out the logistics for their split. He figures Bucky’s gone through enough bureaucratic drama with his citizenship struggles. Steve is more than happy to take the lead on this rather than shoulder the burden to Bucky.

Steve’s not exactly being quick about it. It’s not like they’re in any rush, and Steve’s been extra busy with his summer classes. Bucky doesn’t seem to mind. He’s been a little quieter lately, now that Steve thinks about it. Maybe he’s getting sick. It’s probably a good thing that Steve’s holding off on the nitty gritty for now.

“I don’t want to hound you,” Sam says tentatively, “but… are you  _ sure _ it’s over? You two don’t seem any different than usual. No awkwardness, no stress, no fighting. It’s just… it’s weird.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Steve says. “We’ve been avoiding each other all day.”

He silently congratulates himself for pointing that out so quickly. He and Bucky have been making an effort to stay away from each other all day, in an attempt to better sell the ‘failing relationship’ vibes.

Sam looks unimpressed. “You’ve been sharing these dorky glances at each other all day. I heard you two in the kitchen making dick jokes with your cake candles. And apparently just this morning you were taking cat selfies together.”

“Maybe so,” Steve says, “but… all of that was really… awkward and unpleasant.”

“The jokes certainly were,” Sam agrees. “Your sense of humor is shit.” He sighs and moves in closer to Steve. “Look, man, I’m just gonna come out and ask. Have you two considered couples’ counseling?”

“Couples’ counseling?” Steve asks. “Why would we try couples’ counseling? That’s something you do pre-separation, not after.”

“You’re still in pre-separation,” Sam points out. “There’s still time for you two to work things out.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” The volume of Steve’s voice lowers in the inverse of his temper. “Our relationship is  _ our _ business, not anyone else’s! We have to make the decisions that are best for  _ us, _ regardless of what everyone else thinks we should or shouldn’t do. We don’t owe anyone any sort of explanation, and honestly you and Nat are getting pretty irritating and overbearing about the whole thing.”

Sam raises his hands and steps back. “Whoa, whoa. You’re right. You and Bucky have to do what’s right for you. But I’m telling you, as a friend, I’m concerned. You’re a fighter, Steve. You always have been. You’re loyal to a fault, and you’re stubborn as hell. I can’t wrap my head around the idea of you bailing on someone.”

Steve cringes. “I’m not bailing, I’m just… it’s Bucky’s decision, too, you know.” 

“I know that,” Sam says calmly. “But the fact that it’s Bucky only makes all of this even more nonsensical. You dragged that boy out of a war zone. You argued with that douchebag surgeon at the hospital every damn day for weeks to make sure Bucky was getting the best care. You got him to go to group at the VA, and your dumb ass sits there holding his hand twice a week. And now you’re telling me that you’re giving up on him? That whatever’s happening between the two of you right now is more insurmountable than all the other stuff you two have been through together? I’m calling bullshit, Rogers.”

Steve’s shoulders sag in defeat. “You’ve got a point,” he mumbles. He fishes around in his brain for some sort of excuse. He grabs the first one he can think of, flimsy though it may be, and perks up considerable as he brings it to Sam’s attention. “That’s a great suggestion, couples’ counseling. And y’know, if it was up to me, I’d definitely consider it. But Bucky’s not great with therapy, you said it yourself. He’d never be willing to go, and I would never want to force him into something that would make him uncomfortable.”

“Aha!” A sly grin spreads across Sam’s face. “So you’d go if Bucky agreed to it?”

“Yeah, sure,” Steve says, “but you can’t pester him about it, Sam! I’ll talk to him tonight, I promise.” He’s not lying. He  _ will _ talk to Bucky about it tonight, but only to laugh at the idea.

“No need,” Sam says. “Nat told me that T’Challa suggested therapy to Bucky yesterday, and Bucky said  _ he’d _ be willing, but  _ you’d _ be too stubborn to do it.” Sam folds his arms across his chest and smiles in self satisfaction.

“Oh really?” Steve says through gritted teeth. There’s no way that was T’Challa’s idea. Bucky’s friends are all nice people who mind their own business. This has Nat’s meddling fingerprints all over it. Steve rues the day he first shared his Dunkaroos with her in first grade. “I guess we’ll have to talk about it then. No time like the present.”

He marches over towards the sofa where Bucky is sitting with Okoye. “Excuse me,” he says with a grimace. “I need a word with my husband.”

Okoye fixes Steve with sharp eyes and a guarded smile as Bucky gets up from the couch and follows Steve to the kitchen. Steve closes the door behind them and rubs his eyes tiredly. Bucky tentatively rests a hand on his arm. “What’s up?” he asks softly. “Are you okay? Do you need a break from your hearing aids? You’re doing your forehead wrinkle.”

“No,” Steve hisses. He pauses. “Well, yeah, actually. The fireworks will be starting soon, I’ll probably take ‘em out in a sec. But that’s not why I grabbed you,” he continues. “I want to know why you told T’Challa that you wanted to go to couples’ counseling!”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t,” he says. “Well, I did say I’d be willing to try it, but I also said you’d be too stubborn to do it. I figured we could pretend to talk about it, and then tell people that we decided against it.”

“Well, too late,” Steve sighs. “I told Sam  _ I’d _ be willing to try it, but  _ you’d _ never go for it. Apparently everyone’s been swapping gossip, with Nat’s influence no doubt, so now we’re screwed.”

“Ugh,” Bucky groans. “Why are we so bad at this?”

“It’s not us,” Steve says petulantly. “It’s our nosy friends. Mine in particular. They’re making this more difficult than it needs to be. They’re never gonna believe that we both decided not to do therapy now!”

Bucky purses his lips in thought for a moment. Steve does not notice how soft they look. 

“Well,” Bucky says slowly. “What if we pretended to go to counseling? We could say we set up some appointments, and then after a few weeks, say that the therapist agreed that we should separate.”

Steve grins. “That could work! Then we’ve have scientific evidence for why we need to split. Even Nat can’t argue with science.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “She can argue with anything,” he says with a smirk.

Steve likes seeing Bucky happy, especially at Nat’s expense. Maybe Bucky’s been overwhelmed by all the separation logistics, too. Maybe that’s why he’s been so quiet. Bucky’s anxiety has improved significantly since his surgery, but he still gets overwhelmed at times. 

Steve needs to do a better job supporting Bucky. They might be planning a separation, but they’re still technically married, and Steve has always taken his role as ‘partner’ seriously.

“I’ll do you one better,” Steve says. “Let’s say we’re going to counseling, but instead we’ll go do something fun together. I’ve been swamped with school, and you’ve been busy with Coconut, especially since he tried to eat that Snickers bar last week. And now we have all this separation crap on top of everything. It’ll be fun to hang out, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky smiles, and his cheeks are flushed. 

Steve’s always thought Bucky had a nice smile, but it always seems brightest when Steve is the catalyst. 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_August_ **

 

“I can’t believe we managed to find this place.” Steve glances over his shoulder to gaze up at the nondescript grey and brown building that they’ve just exited. 

Today is their first official day of alleged couples counseling. As far as their friends know, they’re going to some fancy Manhattan psychologist they’d found through a referral from the VA.

They did make it to Manhattan, but they’d ended up at the Houdini museum. They had walked past the entrance a few times, puzzled by the lack of signage. Eventually, Bucky has suggested that they just walk into the building, which turned out to be a good call. Tucked away on the fourth floor of a magic shop was a small space crammed full of Houdini memorabilia.

Bucky grins and lets his arm bump against Steve’s. “I can’t believe we spent two hours there. It’s tiny.” Not that Bucky had minded having to be in close quarters with Steve, of course. 

“That’s what happens when you bring a science nerd to a magic shop,” Steve laughs. “You always gotta know how everything works.”

Bucky tries to scowl, but he can’t keep the grin off his face. “I’m just curious!” he insists.

Bucky had been mesmerised by the store clerks, who all seemed to be amateur magicians eager to show off their tricks. He’d asked them to re-do their tricks a few times, to see if he could work out their techniques. He’s pretty sure he’d been able to figure out most of them, but some secrets had eluded him. Steve had joked that he should take notes and Google them later, and Bucky had scoffed as though he wasn’t going to do exactly that as soon as they got back to their apartment.

Steve chuckles and drapes an arm around Bucky’s shoulders. “I know. I like it. It’s cute.”

Bucky leans into Steve’s touch slightly. He might as well enjoy it while he can. When Steve had suggested they museum-hop during their fake therapy sessions, Bucky had readily agreed, but he hadn’t expected to enjoy himself as much as he had. Steve had been right; they’d both had a lot on their plates lately, and it was nice to spend some time together, just the two of them.

If Bucky is going to be strong enough to let Steve go without a guilt trip, then he will allow himself the small indulgence of savoring these not-dates with his fake-husband.

“You weren’t exactly whipping through the exhibits, either,” Bucky says. “You must have Googled every one of Houdini’s major life events to check for historical background.”

Steve laughs. “That’s what happens when you bring a history nerd to a museum.”

Bucky’s always known Steve is a dork. He had still found it adorable every time Steve’s eyes lit up as he shared some obscure fact about early 1900s history that coincided with Houdini’s life.

Bucky pushes thoughts about Steve’s adorableness to the back of his mind. “Weather’s nice,” he says mildly. It’s overcast with a slight breeze, and the temperature’s hovering in the high seventies. As far as Augusts afternoons in the city go, this one’s downright pleasant.

Steve drops his arm from Bucky’s shoulders to dig his phone out of his back pocket. “It is! Shame to waste it.” He squints at his phone and turns to smile at Bucky while he stuffs the phone back into his pocket. “It’s only four. Want to grab milkshakes in Bryant Park? We can go halvsies?”

Bucky tries not to mourn the loss of Steve’s touch as he returns the smile. “Sure. Sounds great.”

They make their way to the park at a leisurely pace, and stop at a kiosk for milkshakes. Steve gets chocolate peanut butter, Bucky gets cookies and cream. They’ll switch once they’ve each drunk half.

Steve holds out his milkshake in toast as they meander through the park. “Cheers,” he says as they clink their plastic cups together. “I’d say that was a successful therapy session.”

“Best one I’ve been to,” Bucky agrees. “The VA should serve milkshakes. Might make me want to go more often.”

Steve grins around his straw. “I guess we should thank our friends for being nosy assholes. It’s nice. Getting out together, you know? Just the two of us.”

Bucky nods, and hopes his cheeks aren’t showing the heat he feels at Steve’s carefree expression. “Yeah. It is. Guess it won’t be so bad to do this for a while.”

“Hmmm…” Steve furrows his brow and slurps his milkshake. “How long do you think we need to keep up the charade?”

Bucky balks at the term ‘charade.’ It’s accurate, he knows that, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting all the same. “I don’t know. A couple months?”

“Yeah, that works,” Steve nods. “We can announce in mid October that we’ve got the professional approval to… to separate.”

A small sigh of relief slips past Bucky’s lips. He’s noticed that Steve doesn’t seem keen on saying the d-word, either. Bucky won’t let himself read into it, but it soothes his nerves a little. “Sounds good,” he says quietly.

“That way it’s not too close to the holidays,” Steve continues. “It’ll give everyone a chance to get used to it. Then we’ll be able to be on good terms by New Year’s.” Steve uses air quotes around ‘good terms.’ 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Punk. We’ll always be on good terms.”

Steve looks solemn for a moment as he takes another sip of his milkshake. “I just… I don't want to spend New Year’s without you, Buck. No matter what.”

Steve’s eyes are soft as they search Bucky’s face for a response. Bucky ignores the fluttering in his stomach as he holds his half-drunk milkshake out with his good hand.

“‘Course we’ll spend New Years together. You’re… you’re my best friend. Nothing can change that.” He knocks his cup against Steve’s and grins playfully. “Now hand over the chocolate peanut butter, Rogers.”

Steve laughs and exchanges their cups. He nudges his arm against Bucky’s gently. “You got that right. We’ll always be best friends.”

The chocolate syrup in Bucky’s milkshake does nothing to counteract the bittersweet bite of those words. Of course they’ll always be best friends. And nothing more.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_October_ **

 

“Hey, man. Where’s your hat?”

Steve grins as Sams appears beside him and hands him a fresh drink adorned with a rubber spider. Sam is wearing a ruffled shirt, tight pants, and a sash with a sword tucked into it. There’s a feathered hat perched on his head and a stuffed parrot clipped to his shoulder. He’s the perfect pirate.

Steve adjusts the red bandana around his neck before he pats his bare head ruefully. His Woody the cowboy hat is conspicuously absent. “Oh. Coconut found it while we were getting ready and, well…”

Sam holds up a hand. “Say no more.” Sam’s running shoes had met a similar fate a few weeks ago, scratched to shreds.

Sam watches Steve take a sip of his drink before he clears his throat. “So… it’s official, huh?”

Steve nods. “Yeah. We’ll be filing the paperwork next week. The lawyer says it should be finished in six weeks.” Steve had been relieved to hear that his and Bucky’s separation would be processed smoothly without fuss.

Well… mostly, he’d been relieved. He’s been having some pinpricks of dread seeping through as well, but he tries to ignore them and focus on the logistics, so Bucky won’t have to stress.

They’d gone to six museums, three movies, and two evenings in when Bucky’s anxiety had been a bit much over the course of their alleged therapy. It had been fun, sneaking around and pulling one over on everyone. Plus they’d gotten to spend some quality time together, like a regular couple.

Even though they’re  _ not _ a regular couple, Steve reminds himself.

“Right.” Sam chews on his lower lip thoughtfully. “Well. I guess… you two know what’s best. And I’m sorry if I was a little overbearing at first.”

“It’s fine,” Steve says. He reaches out to squeeze Sam’s shoulder. “I know you’re just looking out for us.”

Sam smiles back faintly, but doesn’t answer. Steve looks around the room. Nat and Sharon are chatting animatedly with Okoye by the coffee table as they put out more refreshments. They’re both wearing lab coats, with nametags identifying them as the Curies. They’ve been swapping nametags all evening to take turns being Marie. Okoye is wearing one of her usual sporty outfits, but her face is painted to look undead, with blood dripping down one corner of her mouth.

Nat had apologized to Steve for butting in, and although her practiced words sounded like something Sharon had coached her on, they had been sincere. Steve had forgiven her, though he’d been tight lipped about Bucky around both Sam and Nat ever since the fake therapy sessions had started., which they’d both respected. 

Steve smiles when he spots Bucky chatting with T’Challa. T’Challa’s prince costume is impressive, but Steve’s eyes are drawn towards Bucky’s white spandex Buzz Lightyear outfit. He’s pulled off his purple hood, and his dark hair swings around his face as he laughs. Steve can’t help but chuckle as Bucky accidentally jabs T’Challa in the arm with one of his wings. 

Bucky looks relaxed and happy, which is a nice change. Lately, Bucky’s been quieter than usual. Steve figures its due to the effort he’s been putting into coaxing Coconut to use his new self-cleaning litter box. So far, Coconut remains unimpressed and suspicious of the contraption.

Sam sighs and clears his throat again. “So I wanted to mention, Scott’s moving out at the end of next month.”

“That sucks,” Steve says. “I like Scott.”

“Yeah, man,” Sam agrees, “me too. But it’s good, he’s moving in with his girl. He’s happy. They both are.” He takes another sip of his drink and toys with the rubber spider on the rim. “Anyway… I’ve got an extra room now. If you want it.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “I’ve already got an apartment,” he says slowly.

“Oh.” Sam’s eyes widen. “So Bucky’ll be moving out then? Is it weird if I offer him the room? You guys seem pretty chill right now, but I know things might get uncomfortable when--”

“Why would Bucky move out?” Steve interrupts. “We’re still friends, Sam. I’m not gonna kick him out.”

“You only have one bedroom,” Sam points out.

Shit. Steve hadn’t thought about this. “So we’ll move,” he says eventually. “We’ll get a two bedroom.”

Sam narrows his eyes. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell’s wrong with  _ you?” _ Steve snaps. “Just because we aren’t going to be married anymore doesn’t mean we’ve got to stop living together!”

Sam stares at him like he’s just said something dumb. “Um… it kind of does.”

“Says who?” Steve huffs. He’s thoroughly tired of his friends dictating his relationship with Bucky. “We’ve bunked together through worse.”

Sam sighs heavily. “Okay, fine. Great. I’m sure you guys will get along peachy. At first.”

Steve scowls, but before he can muster up a retort, Sam throws him a pointed look. “What happens when you start dating someone new?”

“Jeez!” Steve says with a roll of his eyes. “I’m still technically married! I’m not thinking about  _ dating _ right now.”

Sam is undeterred. “You will eventually,” he says evenly.

Steve squares his jaw. “We’ll deal with it if it comes up,” he says stubbornly.

_ “If _ it comes up?” Sam asks. He sounds incredulous as he shakes his head. “Honestly, Steve. You can’t just plan when you’re going to move on. What if you meet someone new right away? What if Bucky does?”

Steve’s heart skips a beat. “Um… what?”

“What if Bucky meets someone new?”

Steve’s stomach twists unpleasantly. He shakes his head vigorously. “He… no.” Steve does not like the pitying look on Sam’s face one bit. Bucky hasn’t expressed any interest in dating anyone else. Steve doesn’t think Bucky’s on the lookout for someone new just yet.

He doesn’t  _ want _ to think about Bucky looking for someone new.

Sam flicks the spider on his cup and eyes Steve cautiously. “You don’t think anyone else’ll be interested in Bucky?”

Steve bristles at this. What exactly is Sam implying? Bucky’s amazing. He’s kind, and supportive, and smart, and funny, with a touch of sass to round things out. “‘Course they would, but Buck would never…”

Sam puts his cup down on the window ledge and grips both of Steve’s shoulders. He meets Steve’s eyes in an intense gaze. “Steve, listen to me. You and Bucky are getting a divorce.”

Steve winces at the d-word, but Sam continues talking. “You will both be free to see other people. And as cool as you two are acting now, be aware that shit will at least be a  _ little  _ awkward when you’ve got to eat breakfast with Bucky’s next date. And you have no control over when that will happen. But trust me, it  _ will _ happen.”

Steve mulls over Sam’s words for a moment. He wants to contradict Sam, but he has to admit there’s some truth there. Steve’s been so focused on the logistics of the separation that he hasn’t really allowed himself to consider the aftermath.

Of  _ course _ Bucky will find someone new. The idea might make Steve sick to his stomach for some reason, but he’s never been the type to avoid the facts once they’re laid out in front of him.

He just can’t believe he’s never considered this inevitability before. 

He sneaks a glance over towards Bucky. His head is thrown back in laughter at something T’Challa’s just said. Steve presses his lips together in distaste. What could T’Challa possibly be saying that’s so amusing? He allegedly has a long-distance girlfriend, but Steve’s never met her. Are they still together? Or have they separated? Is T’Challa biding his time until Bucky is free? Or does Bucky have his eye on someone else? Maybe some buff loser at the gym where he spends so much time?

Steve’s face burns as he shakes free of Sam’s grasp and drains his drink. He doesn’t like any of this. He’s been so focused on following procedure that he hasn’t allowed himself to think about Bucky moving on. Without him.

Maybe it’s something he needs to think through a little more.

He meets Sam’s questioning gaze and sighs in defeat. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “You’re right. I’ll, uh… I’ll think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments! Final chapter and art will be up next week on the 28th. In the meantime you can find me on [Tumblr](https://stucky4breakfast.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SamCouste).


	3. Chapter 3

**_November_ **

 

Bucky hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off Steve all afternoon, but not for the usual reasons. They’re on the couch watching television, with a bag of chips between them. This is usually Bucky’s comfort zone, but not today. Today, they’re on opposite ends of the couch rather than smushed together at one end, the chips are untouched, and the Matrix trilogy is playing.

Steve loves chips and hates the Matrix. He hasn’t turned on the closed captions, even though he’s not wearing his hearing aids. Bucky is unnerved. He frowns at Coconut, who is stretched out on the floor, scratching the carpet every so often and ignoring the humans as though everything is normal. Bucky notices, however, that Coconut is only about six inches away from Steve’s feet, which is his version of intense snuggling. He feels slightly mollified by the fact that even the cat realizes something’s not right.

On their walk back from Nat and Sharon’s Halloween party, Steve had been uncharacteristically withdrawn. Bucky had accepted his claims of exhaustion without comment. And indeed, a few days after Halloween, Steve had come down with a cold.

Steve doesn’t get sick often, but when he does, he goes down hard. He’d been knocked out for two weeks this time, too tired to protest when Bucky confined him to the bed. Bucky had done everything he could to make Steve comfortable. He’d ordered in soup and hooked up the humidifier. He’d diligently emailed Steve’s professors and made appointments to pick up spare lecture notes from helpful classmates. He’d slept on the couch while Steve snuffled and sneezed all over the good sheets in the bedroom.

He’s done everything he could to take care of Steve, while he still has the chance.

They’d missed their appointment with the lawyer, and they’d been unable to reschedule until mid-December. Bucky hadn’t thought much about it at the time, but now that Steve’s healthier yet still too quiet, he wonders if Steve’s disappointed that they won’t be able to wrap up their separation before New Years like they’d originally planned.

He thinks back to earlier that day, when he’d been at the gym painting the new yoga room with Okoye. She’d mentioned wanting to do it as a surprise for T’Challa, and Bucky had offered to help right away. He knew Okoye was going through some sort of family drama, and although she was not one to share details, Bucky knew she’d appreciate the company.

They hadn’t chatted much as they’d worked. Okoye had played a new Spotify mix that one of her friends had put together, but otherwise they’d worked in companionable silence, give or take a few sarcastic quips.

As they had cleaned up the drop cloths and rollers, Okoye had let out a deep sigh and gently gripped Bucky’s forearm.

“Listen to me,” she had said, her voice quiet but firm. “You know I will support whatever decisions you make. No one outside of a relationship truly knows what goes on inside of it. But you cannot… you have to _say_ something. If you have something to say, that is. Do not bite your tongue. In the long run, it will only wind up causing pain.”

She had looked Bucky in the eye, but she hadn’t been fully present in the moment. Clearly, she’d been thinking about something else, something private. Bucky had given her a hug and some reassurance. He knew she would come to him when she was ready to talk.

That doesn’t mean he hadn’t taken her words to heart himself.

As Steve sighs and rubs one eye tiredly, Bucky knows he has to say something sooner rather than later. He’s only got a few weeks left with Steve, and he’d prefer to not spend them stressing about why Steve’s in a funk.

Before he can open his mouth, Steve sits up straight and turns towards Bucky. He looks solemn, with dark circles around his eyes and a worried wrinkle in his brow.

“Buck…,” he says slowly. He looks down at his lap and picks at the knee of his pajama pants. “I just… I know the separation isn’t final yet, but… you can date. If you want. You don’t have to wait for the paperwork to be final.”

Of all the things Bucky had been expecting Steve to say, this is fairly low on the list; beneath ‘I want you to move out immediately,’ but slightly above ‘I’m actually a robot zombie from the future’. He tries to keep his face neutral as he waits for Steve to raise his eyes so he doesn’t miss Bucky’s response.

“Um… what?”

Steve looks like he’s getting ill all over again as he repeats, “If you want to start to start dating, you can. I don’t want you to hold back on my account.”

“Oh.” Bucky isn’t sure what to think. He’s fairly certain that he hasn’t given Steve any indication of wanting to fire up a Match.com account or something. How could he? Bucky has been focused on getting as much Steve-time as he possibly can. He hasn’t had the time to think about jumping back into the horrors of dating.

But that doesn’t mean _Steve_ hasn’t thought about it. Maybe that’s why he’s asking. He wants Bucky’s blessing to get back in the dating game.

The thought makes Bucky queasy, but he takes a deep breath and wills himself to stay calm. “Honestly,” he says in a voice he sincerely hopes is steadier than his irregular heartbeat, “I hadn’t thought about it. But if _you_ want to…”

“No!” Steve’s eyes are wide as his head whips back and forth violently. “I haven’t thought about it either!”

Bucky is completely confused. “Then why bring it up?” he asks.

“I don’t know!” Steve moans. He drops his head to his hands and rests his elbows on his thighs. “Sam got the idea in my head.”

Bucky raises an eyebrow skeptically. “You want to date Sam?” he asks, his voice clear and slightly raised so Steve will hear it. It sounds ridiculous when he says it aloud-- surely if Steve wanted to date Sam, he’d have done so in the past twenty-odd years they’d known each other-- but no more ridiculous than anything else Steve has said today.

Steve’s head shoots back up, and his nose is scrunched. “No! I don’t want to date Sam! I don’t want to date anyone!”

Bucky is proud of himself for not reading into Steve’s response. “You don’t have to,” he says with a shrug, “not yet. But once we’ve been separated for a while, you’ll find someone.” Bucky privately congratulates himself on keeping his cool and pretending like those words don’t break his heart to say aloud.

“No.”

Bucky tilts his head in confusion. “What?”

Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want things to change.” He opens his eyes and stares intently at Bucky. “I don’t want someone else, I want you.”

“You’ve got me,” Bucky says slowly, “and you always will, punk. You don’t have to be scared of change.”

Steve shakes his head. “Not like that. I want… I know it’s not fair to put this on you, Buck, but it’s the truth.”

A small flicker of hope smoulders in Bucky’s heart. “What’s the truth?” he asks. “You can tell me. Please.”

Steve scoots closer to Bucky. He moves the chip bag from between them and lets it drop to the floor. Coconut yowls at the crinkling noise and darts to the edge of the room, where he settles in to glare at them from the doorway.

“Listen,” Steve says softly. “You know I’ve always loved having you in my life. Ever since you first stole that baseball cap off my head. But I didn’t realize… I know we aren’t really married, but I guess I got used to having you as my partner. And we’re not even separated yet, but I already miss you. I don’t want to lose you. And it’s not because I’m scared of change, it’s because it’s _you,_ and…”

The flicker of hope burns brighter. Could Steve possibly feel the same way that Bucky does? Or is he just confused and overwhelmed as they sort out their separation?

There’s only one way to find out.

Bucky eyes Steve carefully. Steve’s cheeks are pink, and he’s got a dopey look on his face that gives Bucky the courage to reach out and rest his hand lightly on top of Steve’s on the couch.

“Ask me out on a date,” he says.

Steve’s eyes widen. He glances down at their entwined hands, then back up to Bucky’s face. “What?”

Bucky smiles and gives Steve’s hand a squeeze. “A _date,_ Rogers. Ask me out.”

A sunny grin spreads across Steve’s face as he turns his hand upwards so he can lace their fingers together and squeeze back. “Bucky,” he says, “would you like to go out with me this weekend?

“Yeah,” Bucky says, “I would.” He slides closer to Steve without letting their hands part. “Now change the damn channel and open up those chips.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_December_ **

 

“I’m terribly sorry.” The hostess looks anything but as her glossy lips curl into an insincere smile. “We’re extremely busy tonight. It will just be a few more minutes.”

Steve’s smile is just as pained. “No worries. We can wait.” He makes his way back to where Bucky leans against the wall in the drafty entranceway.

“It’ll _just be a few more minutes,”_ he parrots in irritation. “Just like she said an hour ago.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “It was only fifty six minutes. Don’t be dramatic.”

Steve raises his hand to punch Bucky’s arm, but he drops it awkwardly to his side when he remembers that this is supposed to be a classy date where he woos Bucky and convinces him to give Steve a chance. He hasn’t dated in a while, but he’s fairly certain that arm punches are not part of the wooing process, no matter what Nat and Sharon say.

Steve shoves his hands into the pockets of his new grey slacks and leans against the wall next to Bucky. His dinner jacket is a little snug across his shoulders, his tie is a touch too tight for comfort, and he suspects that he used moisturizer instead of product when he styled his hair earlier this evening.

He feels clunky and awkward next to Bucky, who looks effortlessly elegant in his cardigan and dark jeans, hair framing his face in tousled waves. _His_ tie is knotted perfectly. Usually Bucky fixes Steve’s tie as well, but Steve had felt weird asking for help dressing himself this time around.

It’s been two weeks and four days since their talk. Steve had insisted on making a reservation at a fancy restaurant for their first official date, and they’d been booked up due to the holidays. Steve had worried that things would be awkward during the wait for their date, but he was surprised and relieved to find that the opposite had been true.

They easily fell back into their usual routine, with the addition of furtive glances and blushing smiles. Since they both count on nighttime snuggles to keep the nightmares and insomnia at bay, the awkwardness of sharing a bed during their shifted situation evaporated in about five seconds.

Over the past couple of weeks, Steve has noticed all the little things about Bucky that make him smile. They’ve been partners for so long, and friends for even longer, but Steve’s never realized how much he relies on Bucky. Whether it’s making the morning coffee while Steve showers, re-filling the ice trays when Steve inevitably forgets, or cracking a joke to make Steve smile as they prepare dinner together, Bucky has become an integral part of Steve’s life.

A part he is extremely reluctant to give up.

Steve has noticed that Bucky seems much cheerier than he has been over the past few months. He hopes it’s a sign that Bucky is as interested in starting a romantic relationship as Steve himself is.

Then again, they haven’t even finished their first date, and things aren’t off to the best start. They were late leaving the house because Coconut refused to come in from the balcony, preferring to stay out in the rain and make Steve fret about him getting sick. They missed their subway stop, and had to walk an extra six blocks in the freezing drizzle. And now they’ve been forced to wait an extra fifty eight minutes for their table that they waited weeks to reserve.

Steve’s stomach lurches as he tugs at his collar and glances over at Bucky, who seems unperturbed and relaxed. Over the past fifty nine minutes of semi-comfortable silence, Steve has had plenty of time to reconsider the wisdom of asking Bucky out. Bucky’s always been there for Steve, always had his back, and ever since their accident, Steve’s called most of the shots. He chose their apartment, he pushed Bucky to join T’Challa’s gym, he insisted that they get curtains instead of blinds in the bathroom.

Bucky’s never complained, but Steve’s not sure if that’s a good thing.

He jumps as Bucky elbows him in the ribs. “You alright?” Bucky’s brow is furrowed in concern. “You look nervous. I really don’t mind waiting--”

“We don’t have to do this,” Steve blurts out.

Bucky’s eyes widen, and his shoulders droop. Steve reaches out to squeeze his shoulder while he clarifies his freak-out.

“I only meant… I know I can be stubborn. And if this is something you don’t really want, or if I’m pushing you into it... I’m sorry.”

Bucky lets out a bark of laughter. “Are you serious? After everything we’ve been through together, _now_ you ask if you’re being pushy?”

A sheepish grin graces Steve’s face. “Fair point. I know I can be a pain.”

Bucky stops laughing. He shoots Steve an incredulous look. “You’ve never been a pain. Not once.” He takes a deep breath, and reaches out to lace his fingers through Steve’s. “You’re always taking care of me. Hell, you’ve done so much for me, I can’t… I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but…” He trails off, cheeks flushing as he looks down at the floor.

Steve gives Bucky’s hand a squeeze and raises his free hand to cup Bucky’s cheek. How can Bucky not realize how much he means to Steve? How much joy he brings to everyone who’s lucky enough to meet him? Steve silently curses himself for not telling Bucky every day how grateful he is to have him in his life.

Regardless. There’s no time like the present to start.

“You don’t think you’ve done just as much for me? Buck, I’d be a mess without you. You helped me write my admissions essay for school. You let me complain about classes, but you always call me on my shit when I get too mopey. You’re the only person on this planet who can make coffee worth drinking. And you brought Coconut home to us. You… I…”

He pauses, and takes a deep breath. His heart beats a mile a minute as he runs his thumb along Bucky’s jaw. “I’ve always loved you,” he admits, to both Bucky and himself. “I just didn’t realize it was romantic until I thought I was gonna lose you.”

Bucky blinks. His eyes lock into Steve’s as he takes a step closer and rests his free hand on Steve’s waist. “I love you too.” His voice is just above a whisper. “Always have. Always will.”

Steve’s chest feels like it’s about to burst. His cheeks ache from the huge grin that’s stretched across his face. “Really?”

Bucky nods. Steve wants to pull Bucky into an embrace and kiss him silly, but he’s aware that they’re in public, in a swanky restaurant, with people giving them judgemental stares. He also notices Bucky’s shoulders hunch up as he eyes one particularly nosy looking couple staring at them like guppies, eyes wide and mouths agape.

Steve ignores them as he pulls Bucky closer and whispers in his ear, “What do you say we get out of here? There’s a Star Wars marathon tonight. We can get takeout and camp out on the couch.”

Bucky pulls back and narrows his eyes. “The prequels or the original trilogy?”

“The original trilogy,” Steve assures him.

Bucky chews on his lower lip. “Can we get Thai?”

“Of course.”

A sly smile spreads across Bucky’s face. “Will you make out with me even when I have peanut sauce breath?”

Steve’s heart skips a beat. “Absolutely. That’s a bonus in my book.”

Bucky doesn’t say a word as he winds an arm around Steve’s waist and drags him out of the restaurant, stopping en route to bundle up into their coats. It’s stopped raining, thankfully. Steve wraps his arm across Bucky’s shoulders and pulls him close.

Takeout, television, and cuddles are an unbeatable combination for Best First Date Ever.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

**_January_ **

 

“... Three, two, one! Happy New Year!”

Bucky grins as Sam and Nat throw confetti at each other from opposite ends of the bar, sprinkling their little group with glittery bits of paper. Okoye and Sharon are standing outside of the confetti splash zone, grinning and clinking their drinks together. T’Challa leans on the far end of the bar, wrapped up in a FaceTime conversation with his girlfriend Nakia. Bucky snickers as Okoye grabs a handful of confetti off the bar and tosses it onto the back of T’Challa’s hair without him noticing.

He turns to wish Steve a Happy New Year, but before he can get a word out, Steve sweeps him up into an embrace. Bucky is quick to grab Steve’s hips and pull him closer as their lips meet in a soft kiss.

Once they part, Steve sighs, smiles, and rests his forehead against Bucky’s. “Happy New Year, Buck. Can’t wait to spend a whole ‘nother three hundred and sixty five days with you.”

Bucky rolls his eyes with a grin. “Happy New Year, punk. Can’t believe I’ve gotta spend another three hundred and sixty five more nights listening to you snore.”

Steve laughs and kisses him again. He attempts to brush some of the confetti from Bucky’s hair, but Bucky knows it’s a lost cause and bats his hands away.

It’s only been a few weeks since their first date, but any plans for separation have been abandoned. It’s been a nearly seamless transition from fake relationship to real relationship. They’ve already built a life together; it might not have been intended to last, but they’d both put so much care into everything that it had proven to be a solid foundation.

Bucky suspects it might be the case that their marriage was real all along, even if they’d both been too dim to notice.

“Look at you two losers.” Nat sidles up next to Steve and pats his arm. ”Just as happy as when you were newlyweds. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“We were in the hospital when were newlyweds,” Steve points out.

“Then you are even happier now,” Okoye interjects. She folds her arms across her chest and fixes them with a self satisfied smile. “You are fortunate to have such smart friends to stop you from making foolish decisions.”

“That’s right,” Sam says with a nod of his head. “You’re lucky we know you two so well.”

A sly look from Steve has Bucky biting back laughter. He shakes his head and pulls Steve closer. “You’re right,” he says. “We _are_ lucky.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve made it to the end! Thanks again to the mods for all their hard work, this was such a fun event to take part in. And thanks to everyone who read along, your support was greatly appreciated! :)
> 
> You can find us on Tumblr, [samstevebuckyhq](https://samstevebuckyhq.tumblr.com/) and [founderofshield](http://founderofshield.tumblr.com/). The rebloggable master post is [here](https://samstevebuckyhq.tumblr.com/post/183122452701/reconcilable-differences)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! We’ll be posting a chapter a week until the 28th. Find us on Tumblr, [samstevebuckyhq](https://samstevebuckyhq.tumblr.com/) and [founderofshield](). Comments and feedback are appreciated <3


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